


Sober

by Flare_Scarlet



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunk Sex, Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, Mentioned Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Mentioned Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Mentioned Xu Ming Hao | The8, Minor Character(s), One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Partying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-13 08:03:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18027899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flare_Scarlet/pseuds/Flare_Scarlet
Summary: Seungcheol doesn't want to like Jihoon but then each time Jihoon makes him think it's okay to.But of course, it isn't because Jihoon has a drinking problem





	1. We'll play the same game everynight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Selena Gomez: Sober

It's 3:00 AM. The room is dark, he takes his shirt that was lying on the floor, quietly wears his pants, grabs his things and heads out. Just as he leaves the room, he looks back at the younger, who is sleeping so peacefully on the bed. What happened 3 hours ago was a mistake, it only made him realize that he truly feels something for the other, something more than friends. It only pains him more, that this is probably a night the other won't even remember. The younger moves slightly and it makes him jump a little but luckily he hasn't woken up.

Jihoon will never feel the same way for Seungcheol.

They've been friends for quite some time now, they met when Seungcheol was in going into his 2nd year of uni and Jihoon had just joined. They weren't in the same department but somehow they became friends. Seungcheol is now in the middle of his third year and also marks his 6th month after realizing he had some feeling for the younger. Of course, he never said anything about it, how could he? The other is known for not having relationships, other than one night stands where no feelings are involved and neither contacts each other after. Seungcheol never ever wanted to be one of his one night stands, never even thought about it cause...why? But now as he walks out of Jihoons apartment, he had just joined the list amongst many.

He should have never allowed Jihoon to drink as much as he had that night. When Wonwoo suggested they do shots, he thought it was a harmless one-time. But as the night progressed the number only increased until it got so out of control. Seungcheol is considerably a strong drinker and he knows his limits. Contrary to that, Jihoon not only has low tolerance but once drunk, he's gone. Unfortunately or fortunately, Seungcheol had to take Jihoon back to his apartment because it's closer to his place and Wonwoo lives a bit too far. As they got to the apartment, Seungcheol needed the keys in order to get in and tried to find it in one of Jihoon's many pockets.

Whether it was the fact that he was so intoxicated or he'd done it way too many times, he mistook Seungcheol as another one of his one night's and kissed him. Seungcheol abruptly pulled back and tried to control Jihoon but Jihoon had already somehow unlocked his apartment and was already taking Seungcheol before he was even able to comprehend the situation. Maybe, it was the fact that he was also mildly intoxicated, maybe it was the fact that he didn't mind sleeping with Jihoon, or maybe he was so freaking lonely that this was his only ever chance to have something with the other that once Jihoon pulled him in for another kiss, Seungcheol dropped everything and didn't care anymore.

\--

Seungcheol ended up skipping his classes for the day and decided to spend the day in the library. Well, even the night, because by the time he realizes, its already 8 PM and the only decent meal he's had is the croissant he took from Starbucks. He decides to leave the library and grab something from the convenient store and just pretend its actual food when it actually only contains chemicals that would ruin you from the inside. He doesn't need MSG to do that, he's already got his unrequited crush towards Jihoon to take care of that.

It may not be the best choice but he really needs to clear his head and freaking green tea isn't solve this so instead, he grabs the soju and a couple of beers. He takes some extra noodles and microwavable bibimbap.

"Cheollie?"

Seungcheol looks back to see Jihoon walking towards him. "Oh hey, hoon. What's up?" He tries to say as casually as possible. "Nothing, didn't see at uni today. I thought I was the worst one, apparently not." he scoffs. "I'm just feeling sick, nothing bad though." He tries to dodge anything related to last night.

"Do you know who took me back yesterday?"

There it is, the only one who will ever feel anything from this, this... friendship? What is it even at this point? "I did but you were already passed out so I just put you to sleep." he partially lies. What's the point of trying to come up with a lie that would eventually lead to even more and worse questions. "Ok, TMI but why was I naked?"

"How the fuck would I know-" it ends up coming out of his mouth a little stronger than he intended but he's really not in his calm mind to be trying to make things better cause there was no better situation. "Sorry." He simply says. "It's okay." Jihoon laughs awkwardly as he notices the drinks in the plastic bag Seungcheol is carrying. "Drinking alone?" he nudges his head towards the bag. "Yeah.."

"Come, let's go to my place, don't drink alone that's depressing," Jihoon says as he takes the bag from Seungcheols hands. "No, Jihoon- it's oka-" "Shut up, just come." Jihoon takes a look into the bag. A normal sized bottle of Soju, peach that too, and two beers. "Wait, I'll go buy some more." He shoves the bag towards Seungcheol and goes into the store. He comes back out with a bit more, actually, a lot more than two people can actually take. "Hoon, isn't that a bit too much-" "Who cares? Let's go."

"Cheol"

"Yeah?"

"I'm super drunk right now"

Seungcheol sighs, "Come on let's get you to sleep" He tries to lift Jihoon but accidentally ends up dropping him. More like Jihoon slipped and Seungcheol just didn't manage to grab him at the right time. Jihoon starts drunk laughing. Seungcheol attempts to pick the younger once again but the younger can barely walk just like the previous night. Somehow Seungcheol manages to get Jihoon to the bed, changes his clothes and make him comfortable enough. As drunk as he is, this sight of Jihoon makes him look so soft and vulnerable. Seungcheol sits by the bed side just staring at Jihoons face.  
Jihoon slowly opens his eyes and upon Seungcheols gaze, he smiles.

"Why do you look at me like that?" he says, almost like his words like slurred along with the alcohol.

"What do you mean?" Seungcheol genuinely asks.

"Like you want to fuck me"

Seungcheol gets taken aback by this comment. Is this how Jihoon thinks every time Seungcheol has looked at him till now? Does he look that despret and lonely? "Okay, I think the alcohol has gotten to you a bit too much, go back to sleep child."

"Why are you avoiding this topic?"

"What topic? There is none, to begin with, you're not even gay, to begin with."

"Who says?"

Seungcheols eyes widen for a second before he goes back to normal before Jihoon realizes.

"You know what, I'm not talking about this right now-" He gets up and turns. Jihoon quickly grabs him by his wrist, almost missing it, and pulls Seungcheol down and pushes his lips against his own.

Not even seconds in and Jihoon slides his tongue and Seungcheol immediately decides to stop before it goes into anything he's going to regret.

"Stop, you're making a mistake," he says.

"Then why does your expression say something else?"

Jihoon really knows how to make Seungcheol want him even though these feelings will never be returned.

When the morning comes, this friendship will never return to what it was until now.


	2. When the bottle's done you pull me closer

"Are we gonna talk about this?" Jihoon says as Seungcheol begins putting on his shirt. It's 6:00 AM, the sun has risen and Jihoon is still under his covers. 

"There's nothing to talk about" Seungcheol replies coldly. He made a mistake and now he can't even look towards Jihoon without regretting any decision from the previous night or the night before. 

Seungcheol doesn't talk to Jihoon for a while after that. Seungcheol manages to avoid him at all costs and in reality, it's not that difficult. They don't share any classes together cause 1. They do not even share the same department and 2. Luckily none of their classes (that they actually do in fact share) has a system where the youngers can join in the classes. He goes the 7-11 much further than the one near both of their apartments just so that the chances of actually running into each other is near to 0. He mostly spends time in the library working on his big assignment that is due by the end of the month. He's nearly done and he's glad that this somewhat 'break' from Jihoon has gotten him so focused and set on work because if he wasn't, the only thoughts that would cross his mind were of the younger. 

About 2 weeks go by without any contact from the other and all he knows is that he's doing fine because he constantly sees him on Wonwoo's stories from Instagram and his own occasional updates now and then. Just simple timestamps with the university area as the background or sometimes even bars which luckily have shots of Wonwoo in it so there's actually nothing to be worried about. Except there is because as much as Wonwoo is Jihoon's supposedly closest same-aged friend, Wonwoo is also not the best at taking care of people and the fact that he lives far away goes to show how much Seungcheol can worry about the younger. 

"So, when there is a decrease in the average cost of production in the long run as a firm increa- are you even listening?" The other complains as he notices how Seungcheol has gazed off into some far away land as he tried to teach Seungcheol during their supposed tutoring sessions. "Yeah, sorry, what were you saying?" Seungcheol catches on and by now the other isn't even bothered to repeat because he knows that he's not going to take it in, let alone listen anyways. "Okay, what's bothering you?" 

"What? Nothing~" he tries to deny but unfortunately Yoon Jeonghan knows one or two more things about Seungcheol and that is Seungcheol is usually not wavered by emotions and can control them pretty easily but if and when it comes to a situation where he gazes off without realizing himself and that gazing having no purpose, it's a problem. "Okay, I don't know what is going on with you lately but does this have to do with you not talking to Jihoon?" 

He wants to say something back but his mouth suddenly decides that language is not his few abilities and the only thing that actually comes out of him incomprehensible sounds that come along the line of "Uhhhh" and "ermmm". 

"You guys aren't talking and Wonwoo and I can see that pretty well without either of you having to tell us anything. I mean the sheer fact that you didn't go with them to the bar last Saturday says a lot." 

"Well, I don't know Mr I know everything about my best friend, maybe I had work, maybe I have a life." 

"Come on Seungcheol you're not fooling anyone here." 

"Fine, I'll tell you this beforehand though, nothing means anything." Jeonghan isn't quite sure what he means but as he listens to Seungcheol go on about how he's slept with Jihoon at least twice now, at least from his side (because Jihoon only thinks its once, he can't remember the first time cause he was too wasted to even remember how he got to his place to start off with) and how he actually has feelings for the younger but is sure that the younger only sees him as a friend figure. Jeonghan kind of had an "I knew it" moment as Seungcheol revealed his 6-months and going crush life because Seungcheol is quite an open book. At least to Jeonghan, he is, or maybe he's good at this or knows Seungcheol a bit too much. Or maybe its the fact that Jihoon is so blind that he can't even see the obvious in front of him causing him to automatically conclude that Seungcheols willingness to do everything for him is just him being his usual kind self. Well, there's that but no one is actually that kind enough to take care of him as much as Seungcheol does. Or did. 

It's only one night when he realises how important he is to Jihoon, well, at least when he's drunk because he's on his way back from uni and from the windows of the bus, he notices two figures whom he is sure are his two friends. He gets off at the immediate bus stop and somewhat dashes towards them having a concerned look on his face glow in the midst of the dark October night. "What the hell happened?" Seungcheol sort of yells as he takes Jihoon off Wonwoo's arms. 

"We went out and well, he out a little out of control and he kept saying he needed you and shit like that. I don't really understand but I'm glad you're here now cause I thought I was a goner." He says as he lets out a sigh of relief. "Do you want me to help you get him back?" Wonwoo says, almost as if Seungcheols job of taking care of Jihoon was transferred to him. 

"Thanks, Won, I can take it from here, you should take the next bus back, you might not make it though, considering its almost midnight." 

"Ah, shit, no it's okay. Metro runs till around 2, so it's okay." 

Seungcheol sighs but is still somewhat thankful towards Wonwoo for making it this far into the night considering he works early shifts. He sort of lifts Jihoon again, softly saying that he needs to get his grip better and heads towards his apartment. It's closer anyways and it makes it easier for him to leave rather than the younger leaving cause clearly, he's going to sleep in for a while. "Bye Won, take care. Send me a text when you get back." Wonwoo gives a slight nod and heads the opposite direction towards the metro station. 

This time around, he knows where Jihoon keeps his spare key so he doesn't have to uncomfortably attempt at finding it in Jihoons pant pockets. He unlocks the door and carries helps Jihoon into his apartment, gently takes off his shoes for him and gets him to lay off his bed. He brings a glass of water and places it on the nightstand closest to Jihoon and places an aspirin along with the hangover recovery drink Jihoon has in his fridge. 

"Cheollie," 

Seungcheol thought that Jihoon had slept a long time ago but it appears that he just kept his eyes closed because it's more relaxing for his buzzing head. Instead, now he was wide awake, sitting on the side of his bed, staring straight into Seungcheols eyes as they shine below the dimmed out lights in Jihoons bedroom. Jihoon takes Seungcheols hands and pulls him to a kiss and it doesn't pass seconds after their lips touch that Seungcheol pulls away forcibly.  

"Please." He says slowly, almost whispering. "Fuck me." 

"Jihoon-ah, stop." He says coldly and in a very monotone way. But he doesn't, instead, he takes Seungcheol by the wrist and pins him to the bed, closing the distance between them into an intimate kiss that Seungcheol fights back for a while until eventually, he manages to push Jihoon off. He jolts back up with Jihoon looking towards his direction. "What do you want?" Seungcheol genuinely asks. 

"I want you. And I know you want me too. Why can't you admit that?" 

"I don't know, maybe because I'm your fucking friend and I don't wanna be one of your fucking one night standers," he says in a sarcastic tone with a hint of anger. "I don't think sleeping with someone more than once counts as a one night stand Cheol," he adds. 

"Oh yeah? Then what the fuck is this?!" He snaps, causing Jihoon to be taken aback by the way he's responding to this. "Whatever you want it to be," Jihoon says almost as if his voice is cracking, as he takes Seungcheols face by his hands and presses their lips together again. He moves his arms towards the other's neck and gently wraps it around thinking that Seungcheol was going to push him off anyways but instead finds a set of arms sliding through his waistline. 

Seungcheol gives into Jihoon a little too easily. He knows this thing between them won't last long. It's not even real, to begin with. 

"I hate you hoon," 

"I know you don't-" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I realized the storyline isn't actually following the song lyrics but at the end of the day, it made me think about this fic so, who's losing what here?


	3. I know I should leave. but-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of long chapter ahead.

"Morning" Seungcheol says from the other side of the room as Jihoon slowly opens his eyes upon the opening of the curtains in Jihoons room. The sun hits Jihoons face so ethereally that it seems like its a dream to him. "You have classes today?" the older asks and the younger only nods a 'yes' in response. 

"Wanna stop by the cafe before? My treat," he says and Jihoon still doesn't reply anything. Seungcheol takes a good look at Jihoon when he realizes that the only sound emitted in the room is from his own. Seungcheols gets out of bed, wears his clothes and grabs his things and nudges his head indicating that they should go. Seungcheol doesn't say anything. The walk to the cafe takes around 7 minutes and by the first 2, it's awfully quiet and Seungcheol only feels uncomfortable. He knows that this is breakfast only as friends and that last night meant nothing towards the other. He quickly sends an SOS text to Jeonghan and to his relief, Jeonghan knows exactly what's happening and gives him a call. Somehow Jeonghan already understands the situation and forces Seungcheol to get out of that situation and luckily Jihoon doesn't seem bothered that his friend just suddenly ditches him out of nowhere because of an 'emergency'. Actually, nothing bothers him, this breakfast was something convenient and yeah, he's disappointed that his friend just decided to ditch him but there's nothing more to that. What? Is he supposed to get all clingy and attached, 

it's not like they're in a relationship. 

"So, Jihoon? Wanna talk?" Jeonghan says as Seungcheol sits across him in the university cafe that Jihoon never goes to because he thinks it's overdramatic and has too much aesthetics that actually nullifies the whole purpose of aestheticism. 

"Yeah" Seungcheol can only reply and how lucky Seungcheol has Jeonghan is his friend because the one across the table is willing to wait for him to calm down and feel comfortable enough to talk. 

"He doesn't know does he?" Jeonghan asks when he thinks Seungcheol looks ready to answer questions. Seungcheol gives a forced half-ass smile that can't even be counted as one and shakes his head and then leans his head back against the couch and runs his hand through his hair. He lets out a sigh and remains like that and now only feels worse for his friend. "And it doesn't seem like you are going to in the near future," he adds and Seungcheol can only agree to how correct Jeonghan is about this situation. From the one talk they had yesterday, Jeonghan already understood so much or maybe its the long term friendship he's had with Seungcheol since they were in high school. And the fact that he doesn't try to impose any of his feelings into this subject and keeps his own relationship out of this only makes Seungcheol more thankful for such a considerate friend. If Jeonghan wasn't himself, he'd be the asshole who thinks he's better than his own best friend just because he got himself a boyfriend during his last year of high school and they've been together ever since. But he was, in fact, Jeonghan and his relationship with Jisoo hasn't changed his friendship with Seungcheol in the slightest way. In a way, Seungcheol was envious of the two's relationship. They started off as classmates, then eventually became really close friends until Jeonghan risked his whole senior year with Jisoo and confessed. The other also had feelings but could never say anything because he was afraid. So was Jeonghan. In the end, everyone is afraid of admitting to the feelings they contain inside them until everything breaks. 

And that's exactly what Seungcheol is doing right now. Jeonghan only knows Jihoon because they share mutual friend: Seungcheol but he knows enough to know that Jihoon isn't one to be in relationships, isn't one to be very expressive about anything... actually, doesn't really feel anything, to begin with and that his one night stands vary from any gender and any age group that can be considered acceptable. "I know you already know this but I'm just saying this so you can hear it for yourself from another person's mouth but-" Jeonghan stops, Seungcheol brings his head back and looks at Jeonghan but then looks outside into the university campus. "-I think you shouldn't go on anymore." 

"I know," 

"How did this even start?... If... you don't mind me asking." 

Seungcheol goes on to explain how he, Jihoon and Wonwoo went out drinking and partying that Jihoon got so out of control that he needed to get him back before he got anymore wasted to the point of risking his life. He admits to how he is so weak towards Jihoon and he doesn't know where to draw the line between friendship and this kind of relationship. Neither party gets anything out of it but at that point, Seungcheol was tired to concealing his feelings towards Jihoon for 6 months. He hasn't been in a relationship since high school which inevitably lasted only 2 weeks until they both came to a mutual understanding that it was way to awkward and weird and decided it was best to stay friends. Of course, that never happened because by the next month, the other was in a relationship with someone else and it only made Seungcheol feel worse about himself. He thought in university, things would change, he would meet someone, actually fall in love with them in the most normal way and end up graduating. But then again, nothing ever meets expectations and it's better not having them to begin with because, in the end, reality only hits so hard that it just seems the universe has something against you. He's himself has had a couple of one night stands, not as much as Jihoon but whenever he did, he felt nothing. There was no loving kisses, no talking, no morning breakfasts or anything, its just straight to the point. Which is also why he hates himself so much for even liking Jihoon because he knows that these feeling would never be reciprocated and he only going to regret it. Well, he's already regretting it. He needs to finish his assignments but this has his mind so fucked that assignments are nowhere near his priority right now. But then again, if he doesn't do it, he's going to end failing the course and he'd very much like to avoid that at all cost. They both end the conversation at that part and slightly laugh it off even though they both know neither are actually genuinely laughing. 

Seungcheol now heads to class, ends up skipping through the whole hour without even realizing that he got lost in his messed up thoughts, heads back home and decides that he needs to finish the assignment. He hasn't touched it since he was at the library, 2 weeks ago and before he even realized it, it's due in 2 days. He thought he had his schedule tracked up and it's not like he hasn't entirely but somewhere in him knows that he's too distracted by this. So, he does what most normal people do and ends up taking all-nighters to complete this assignment. By the third night, he finishes it and ends up passing out on his desk and somehow manages to sleep through the whole of the next daytime. 

He wakes up to the sound of his notifications go off at around 6 PM and it's from Wonwoo. Seungcheol isn't even sure himself if he's reading correctly, but he's too bothered to even care. Wonwoo's text is somewhere along the lines of "Term break coming up" and "Let's go out" followed by "3 of us". Seungcheol's not quite sure if he wants to see Jihoon just yet but he knows that if he doesn't go, he's going to end up getting so drunk once again and actually hurt himself. But there's also the part where he's dreading about the whole situation because he knows that this is never going to end up in the right direction. What is the right direction in this friendship to begin with? 

He gets into the shower, changes and heads out towards Jihoons apartment. It's 7:15 PM and he's about to knock on the door only to see the handle turning and Jihoon was just getting out. 

"Oh-" They face each other looking at one another's eyes, not saying a single word. Seungcheol notices how Jihoon put some effort into his clothing choice and that he actually looks really good. 

"Uh, Wonwoo is waiting at the bus station," Seungcheol says as soon as he realizes the silence between them is far too long. They walk side by side without exchanging any words until they meet up with Wonwoo and even then their conversations only go from 0 to around 2 where the scale is out of 100. Jihoon keeps side glancing Seungcheol and he knows he's going it but doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to. 

They go to the bar that's quite far from the university and more closer to the central area of the city. They meet up with a couple of people of which Seungcheol recognizes from the university because he's glanced at them a few times when he just happened to look out the library or cafe. They introduce themselves as Jun, Minghao and Mingyu. Before they even start drinking, he finds out that Jun and Minghao are exchange students from China and they're a couple. 

By the night has seeped in, they've already had their fair amount of rainbow shots, a couple of beers from the beer pong they played which Seungcheols group (Him and the two Chinese) won so the other group had to take one round of shots as a punishment and more vodka and tequila shots. 

It's 9:30 and they decide to head to the club across the street because this whole area is where people get drunk and party the shit out of their life. The club is semi-underground and the noise is very overwhelming but Seungcheol is still okay enough to consider himself 'sober'. He's not quite sure about the rest of the guys because he's too focused on looking at Jihoon. While Seungcheol remains at the seating area while the rest dance to the point where Jun and Minghao are just making out not caring about the rest of the people there just as much as they don't care in return. He watches Jihoon disappear into the crowd to people and the only reason he thinks he's fine is because he's near Wonwoo and Mingyu and those two are taller than most people there. He goes to the bar section and grabs himself a beer only to have Mingyu right next to him, sort of drunk but stable enough. 

"Hyung," 

"Yeah?"

"Is Wonwoo hyung taken? Or is he dating anyone?" he says, almost swallowing most of his words but still enunciated enough to understand. He knows why he wanted to know about Wonwoo. From the moment he saw Mingyu at the bar earlier today, something about him made him sure that he did not just come because he wanted to spend time with 'friends'. This is based off the fact that Wonwoo asked a couple of people out to partying but Mingyu was the only one who was supposedly 'available'. Either they were all busy or they already had plans and somehow Mingyu was magically free on a Saturday evening. Well, of course, he dragged his two Chinese friends along just to make the situation a bit less weird but just the sheer fact that they're a couple breaks the purpose of Mingyu's weird attempt to cover up his intentions. 

"No, he isn't." He replies and before Mingyu can ask the obvious following question Seungcheol says that he's also not into anyone else at the moment which only makes Mingyu smirk harder than he already was after the first reply. 

"You're not dancing?" He asks and looks towards Seungcheol whose leaning against the bar counter facing the crowd. "No, I kind of need to be the stable one around here just in case something happens, " he says in a jokingly tone but really  _something_ could happen. 

"Well, okay, I'm going to go look for Wonwoo hyung now," he says and disappears into the crowd, well... not really cause his head is still sticking out. Seungcheol finishes his beer and looks back to hand it to the bartender to dispose of it and when he looks back he doesn't see Mingyu  _or_ Wonwoo but when he looks towards the corner of the club he sees Mingyu practically holding Wonwoo by the wrist and pulling him out of the club. Which could only mean one thing, Jihoon is alone. He decides to go into the crowd looking for Jihoon but not looking too out of place. 

Until he finds Jihoon, across the room eccentrically dancing like he's never danced before. He takes glace at Seungcheol and walks towards him and when he's in front of the taller figure, his gaze is soft and weak. He runs his hands through his hair and Seungcheol doesn't say anything. Seungcheol leans in towards Jihoon and Jihoon closes his eyes but finds Seungcheols mouth closer to his ears only to hear the words "Let's go back" 

When he's out, he sees Jun and Minghao walking towards the bus station and slightly nods his head and they also slightly nod back. He takes a cab back to Jihoons apartment and sees a text from Wonwoo asking where they are. Seungcheol just replies saying they're going back and Wonwoo just sends a thumbs up back. He must be busy. Seungcheol takes Jihoon by his side and helps him walk up the stairs to his apartment. Jihoon is practically breathing on the neck and Seungcheol tries to ignore that fact. 

Jihoon ends up embracing him when they get into the apartment which he usually never does so clearly, drunk Jihoon is in action. Seungcheol can only pat his back awkwardly. 

"I missed you," the younger says. The older can hear his heart crush so hard and he honestly needs to get out of there now. He tries to break out of the hug but Jihoon only hugs him tighter. Seungcheol didn't know the younger had this kind of strength in him but well, now he does. "Well, I'm not your boyfriend so I don't see anything to miss about me," Seungcheol says without sounding too harsh, he's just being honest. More like he's too tired of this and it's better he just say whatever instead of trying to make this whole friendship more superficial. 

"Yeah, but I can still miss you as a friend right?" 

"Do friends fuck? Pretty sure they don't hoon." He says this time with a much sharper tone. Right as he said that Jihoon expression changes into something much more devastated and disappointed. Why does he look like that? If there's anyone who should be having that right now, it should be Seungcheol but no, he's the one trying his best to remain calm and not make a big deal of out this. He's always the one trying, making sure Jihoon is okay. Making sure Jihoon is safe. Yep, that's the limit. He can't take this anymore, he breaks out of the hug and walks away from Jihoon and closer towards the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water. 

"Cheollie?" 

"What?" He says almost more like a word rather than a question. 

"I think I like you," Another pang right through his chest almost as if Jihoon shoved his hand through his ribcage and took out his heart like in one of those fictional series Seungcheol once saw. Right now he'd honestly prefer that over this feeling he's having right now because he doesn't know how much longer he can take this. 

"Don't" 

"Don't what?" 

"Stop doing this to me." he now says in a much weaker voice almost on the verge of cracking. 

"If you care about this, about us. Don't" he says but now tears are already falling from his face. "Ah fuck" he wipes his tears with his hands but somehow they don't seem to stop coming down. 

Jihoon walks towards him and gives him a hug with Seungcheols face against his shoulders almost like their height difference was non-existent anymore. 

"I care about this, I care about you so why-" 

"Because sober Jihoon would have never told me this, Seungcheol says as he shoves Jihoon off and walks in towards the living room. 

"Cheol, you know I'm like this," "Like what?! Huh? You suddenly like me for no goddamn reason but you can't even say shit to my face when you aren't under the influence of anything, and you only want me cause I'm just a potential fucker right?!" his voice rages with anger but Jihoons expression doesn't change at all. 

Upon seeing this Seungcheol decides then an there, it's time to end this. "You know what, I'm done." 

"What?" the younger says, this time with a much more animated facial expression.  "You know what, I should have never slept with you, to begin with, I should have never tried to be your fucking caretaker, I should have just let you rot as you drank your life away." "Cheol, you don't mean that," "Yes, I do. and you need to fucking stop doing this. Stop manipulating my feelings, making me think for even a second that we could have something even though it's so fucking crystal clear that there's nothing. Nothing! Do you think I would believe you when you're just doing this for the sake of it? Three times is good enough to make me realize that you're in this only for the fucking"  

"Wait- three? I thought we-" fuck. Then it hits Jihoon, the first night when he found himself naked with no one on the other side was, in fact, the first time he'd fucked Seungcheol. He had fragments of memory but he only thought it was a dream and decided to ignore it. 

"Twice or thrice, who gives a shit?! I know you don't care about me so just stop. Stop before I end up actually hurting you and me in the wrongest way." 

"Seungcheol please," he walks towards the older but the older only shoves him and heads out the door, shutting it loud behind him leaving Jihoon in the dark apartment with the only light coming from the kitchen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, I just have a lot of free time so might as well write when I can. Also please ignore any typos, :)) 
> 
> Next chapter might be the final


	4. but you don't know how to love me when you're sober.

"What are you going to do when we get back?" Jeonghan asks as they sit in the front porch of Seungcheols parents house a little far away from Seoul. Jeonghan and Seungcheol had gone back to Daegu for the term break. Jeonghan had already been planning to back to see Jisoo and Seungcheol was planning to stay back and his parents were to go there. But things changed when Seungcheol was in front of Jeonghan apartment, in the middle of a Saturday night, puffy eyes and uncontrolled breath. Seungcheol looked like he was about to cry again when Jeonghan became comforting him but its almost as if he's cried more than enough that there nothing left in his eyes or heart to come out. 

"Let me go to Daegu with you." "What?" "I'll explain to my parents later," 

Jeonghan wants to say something but somehow nothing he says can or will help his friend so he keeps his mouth shut. They left the following Monday with bags stuffed with things enough for 2 weeks. Now they sit facing Seungcheols garden as they both drink bee, the day is breaking into the night and they have to return to Seoul the day after. 

"There's nothing to do." there is, but why would he want to go through the trouble of trying to find an understanding with Jihoon when there was nothing there, to begin with. Why try to open up wounds that would only end up hurting one side of the party. Seungcheol knew what Jihoon was feeling was not feeling for the older but just lust and some sort of comfort zone where he can feel at ease. That could have been it if it weren't for Jihoon being such an insensitive prick and not realising how much he was hurting the older. 

"You know," Jeonghan starts. "I know this has probably been so tiring for you that you don't even want to hear this from me but-" Seungcheol looks at the other "I don't think its right to leave things as it is right now," Seungcheol is about to fight back with his argument but Jeonghan continues talking "I mean you guys were friends for quite some time, I think you'll only end up regretting later if you end it on a bad note, what I mean is, at least try to come to a mutual understanding of something." 

"How am I supposed to do that?" Seungcheol says irritatedly now not making eye contact with Jeonghan. "I can't tell you what to do but only why you should, communication is something all of us have yet somehow we manage to use such little of it, instead we make assumptions based on evidence that was never there, to begin with, I'm sure if you talk it out, whether its soon or one year later, having things set clearly will make things better even if the situation itself doesn't." 

Jeonghan's right, but its easier said than done.

Seungcheol only said goodbye to his mother and barely spoke after that. Jisoo dropped them off at the train station and as Jeonghan was to get into the train, Jisoo pulled him back to talk for a while. Seungcheol was already in the train seated, earphones plugged and ready to just get this over with. "Something happened between you two?" Jisoo asks. "Yeah. he's just going through some stuff, it'll take some time I guess," he says with a faint smile. "I hope you'll be fine," the other says and Jeonghan can only see why Seungcheol has gone this low, if this were to happen to him and Jisoo, he would never be able to get himself back up. "I love you," he says abruptly and Jisoo only gives the sweetest smile anyone can ask for. "I love you too."

After they part in the train station, Seungcheol takes the bus to his apartment, stopping by the 7-11 close to both his and Jihoons place. As he walks to his apartment, he glances over to Jihoons street only to quickly look straight and not look back again. 

A week passes and he's settled back to his old university life, mostly hanging out with Jeonghan in the library and studying because there's nothing else they can do. Jeonghan is not much a fan of the whole 'going out' and would rather be in cafes or restaurants having good food than slowly killing the insides of your body with literal poison. It's not like he doesn't go out, but its only once a blue moon like Seungcheols birthday or graduation from high school. 

One time, Jeonghan goes to Seungcheols place to drink a little and just have casual talks. Jeonghan ends up leaving around 8 PM because both of them have early classes the next day and continuing any longer would be tiring for both parties. Only minutes after Jeonghan leaves, Seungcheol hears a knock on his door and he immediately says that it's open thinking its Jeonghan who forgot something. But of course, it's not, that's not how god plays his little tricks. 

"Oh-" he can only say when he sees Jihoon on the other side of the door probably the calmest and collected he's seen him. Most of the time he was either stressed/excited from the whole university life or drunk. 

"Hi, can I come in?" he says softer than his usual voice. Seungcheol allows him in only because this is the first time Jihoon has ever come to his place willingly and it nearly 0 degrees outside and letting someone else freezes would be too unethical for Seungcheol's personality. Jihoon walks inside taking off his shoes, then his jumper and then quietly sitting on the couch. Seungcheol follows him but turns to the kitchen to get him a drink. "You want something to drink?" The air is slightly dull and awkward between them but somehow it feels like the times Jihoon came over upon Seungcheols invite and they just drank sometimes with Wonwoo too. He's probably not going to be around for a while or at least for the time being. 

"Yeah," the younger replies to which the older naturally responds with "Beer?" he only realizes after he's said it but now it's just awkward to change it so he just waits for Jihoons answer. "No thanks, do you have mix coffee?" Somehow, Seungcheol is surprised and not surprised at the same time, it seems like Jihoons dark circles and eye bags have significantly decreased and he's not sure whether its the lights from his living room but Jihoons face looks brighter than before, actually probably the brightest he's ever seen since meeting him. 

"Yeah I do" he reaches for the upper cabinet above his sink to grab the nearest mix coffee brand he has. It's a Korean brand which Jihoon likes more than the international ones because it's neither too sweet nor bitter. 

Seungcheol places the cup on the coffee table and Jihoon takes a sip from it and almost burns his tongue but doesn't flinch a bit. Seungcheol notices this but decides to let this one go because casual talk isn't something they can possibly do right now. Once again, the air is awkward, the room is quiet, and even the noisy outside world seems like they've gone for a good night's sleep. It's not as if Seungcheol has had a long day and is tired from being a university student but right now, at this moment, he really just wants to crawl into his bed and go into a state of mind where his conscious self doesn't have to think. 

"What do you want?" he begins and Jihoon looks up at him, tries to say something because he opens his mouth but only shuts it back. Seungcheol sits on his desk chair adjacent to the couch. 

"I know what you're here for and apologizing doesn't change anything Jihoon. Even if it does change something, it doesn't account for the past, what you did and how you made me feel." Seungcheol says but before he can even continue Jihoon cuts him. 

"I know" he softly starts. "I'm not here to apologize because you never asked for one and truth be told I don't even think you want one right now. That's why I'm not even here for your forgiveness but I'm just here to say that whether from now we begin again as friends or nothing happens I just want you to know what I don't regret anything I did but I regret how much it affected you and made you feel. I don't have the right to even think about myself when my state has made you feel your absolute worse and whether it was the fact that we had something more than friends or we were in fact just friends, it does not justify for my actions." Seungcheol is almost in awe at how well Jihoon is wording this almost as if he's practised it over a million times before coming here. 

But he hasn't, in fact, Jihoon only began to think about Seungcheol the week the term started. He didn't want to think about Seungcheol when he needed to fix himself first. So he did, he talked to Wonwoo about the whole situation and tried working out everything and then decided to go to Seungcheols place, unprepared and to only say things he really means and not from practice. 

"I'm not going to lie, what I felt before was probably my mind just fucking me up thinking I actually liked you when I didn't." this sentence sort of hurts Seungcheol but somehow he felt it coming. "I don't even know what I feel right now, but all I know is that I want the best for you and I want you to be happy. If that means I have to leave out of your life, I am more than willing to do so." Wait, for a second there, Seungcheol thinks that he doesn't want Jihoon out of his life. It's almost as if the thought came naturally to him but he doesn't have any reason to why he thinks that. "But-" he continues "If it means that I can be a part of it and make it better for you, I will also be willing to do my part and make things okay once again. Like I said it doesn't mean we can go back, in fact, I don't want to go back. That relationship was sickening and toxic, I want to restart with you and try to make it the best for you. Now I know, I only want your happiness." Seungcheol almost tears up at that last line. 

"Cheol" he looks into the older's eyes, "I will completely understand if you ask me to leave right now and never show my face to you again but if you do decide that I can still be a part of your life, I'm willing to," Jihoon says in the most sincere tone Seungcheol has ever heard anyone say and at this moment he thinks what Jeonghan told him just a week ago and he takes a deep breath. 

"Jihoon-ah, why are you doing this," he says but in a tone that seems so calmed and quiet almost as if it isn't even a question. 

"Because I like you," this is the second time Jihoon has told him this, but somehow it feels so different from last time, no anger, no sadness or desperation from either side, just genuine and simple. 

"How can you know that? Isn't it just out of pity?" 

"I can never know, no one ever knows, but I know for sure enough that what I'm feeling isn't pity, it was, but not anymore." Seungcheol takes in a deep breath to take that in, 

"-but, it's okay, I know you don't feel the same way, before I even realized, somehow I needed you around me and those times you weren't, I just became so stupid that I had to depend on alcohol." As each word came out of Jihoons mouth, Seungcheols heartbeat only grew faster whether it's from the stress or nervousness, he doesn't think he can just quite take this anymore. But he doesn't let it take over him, this time, he's prepared for the worst. 

"I do like you," Seungcheol says slowly and softly but for Jihoon that information came so fast his expression changed faster than it has ever. 

"What-" Jihoon is almost speechless, "Wait, wait wait wait wait, when I said if I could be a part of your life I meant it as your friend and I didn't tell you I like you because I want anything from it" but now it just seems like I want to look like a victim" he says so fast Seungcheol starts giggling because Jihoon looks so surprised and overwhelmed that Seungcheol can't help but feel that the younger looks so cute right now. He takes Jihoon into his arms and pats his hair "Shhh, calm down, I'm sorry I just dropped that on you out of nowhere," "Wait, but since when?" Seungcheol pulls out of the hug slowly, "I don't know six months plus? I lost count," he smiles. They stand there, bodies so close, explicitly showing their height difference but their eyes on the same level. 

"So..." Jihoon starts, "Are you willing?" Seungcheol looks back right through his eyes like he's staring into his soul, he doesn't say anything for a while but his face looks so serene and beautiful. 

"I'm willing." 

Jihoons face becomes euphoric, the happiest Seungcheol has ever seen him and also the most he's seen Jihoon blush. 

"I swear if you screw up, I won't feel sad leaving this relationship at all." That sounded harsh but somehow Jihoon still looks the same and gives Seungcheol one more smile.

"Can I kiss you?" 

"No," 

"Haha, I'm just kidding," the older laughs off and leans down and places his lip on the younger. 

"Can I ask you something though?" the older says while pulling away, "Yeah?" "Did you stop drinking?" "Sorta, but then again not really, I think its addiction at this point," "Yeah," the older says with a disappointed look on his face. "Do you maybe want to consider seeking professional help?" the older says nervously, the younger looks up to him

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! This marks the end of this short-story.
> 
> If anyone wants the Minwon/Meanie spin-off comment down because I'm contemplating whether to do it or not.
> 
> Twitter: @FlareScarlet1


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